Jan 29, 2009

A Tiny Smile

Babies are scrumptious, are they not? However, newborns all seem rather alike until one little thing sets them apart...that first smile.

That first smile, be it crooked and off to one side or full-faced and beaming, has the power to change that tiny infant into his or her own person in a matter of seconds. It's as if that little twitch of muscles brings to the surface a personality that has remained a mystery until that very moment.

This past Sunday, I had the privelage of glimpsing a tiny bit of my son's emerging personality as a wee little half smile graced his face. I had been cooing and jabbering and talking that lovely motherease that only mamas can do properly when his eyes began to dance and his tiny, perfect little mouth turned up at the edge. And just so I would know it was for real, he did it a second time, much to his mama's delight!

Since then, the smiles have become grins and nearly everyone in the household has had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of one. I have yet to capture it on camera for the simple fact that I have no desire to pull myself away from basking in his gaze long enough to reach for the camera.

What a delight those tiny first smiles are! Bliss...pure bliss.

Labels: Life with a New Baby

Jan 28, 2009

Problem Solved!

I love simplicity and the solution to my dilemma has been answered in a very simplistic way by a fellow MOMYS and SpringMeadowsMama.

I now have an IN basket and an OUT basket sitting on my bar. The IN basket contains anything that comes INTO my home that will need my attention. Unsorted mail, things that need to be copied, things that need to be filed, etc. The OUT basket contains items that need to leave my home as well as anything that needs to go downstairs, so I can easily grab it on my way down (the bar is very near my staircase).

I periodically go through the baskets to make sure I'm taking care of what needs to be taken care of (and to insure that they themselves do not become hot spots!) I already had a bill basket and a file on the wall for papers and medical type stuff and those will remain as they are.

So, I now feel as though my dining room is finished, and yes, I am Keeping it That Way! ;o)

Labels: A Tidy Home, Organizing

Jan 26, 2009

Homeschool Mamas Need a Planning Period Too!

Sunday nights for the past year have been my designated planning period time. I figure if the public school teachers get one, so should I!

I began doing this in response to a blog post I read from a homeschooling mama who took a couple of hours every Sunday evening at a local coffee shop to plan her week. This concept sounded like something that would be ever so helpful, but alas, where would I find the time to sit at a coffee shop and organize my life?

That's when I decided I could have my planning period at home. On Sunday nights, my wonderful husband herds all the children downstairs to watch a Western and I gather up a mountain of books, some notebook paper, and a cup of coffee (so I can pretend I really am at a coffee shop!)

During this planning period I am planning much more than just my school week. Because of this, I have 5 separate divisions for my plans: Meals, School, Homekeeping, Activities, and Miscellaneous.

I take a piece of scratch paper and I write down every single thing I want to accomplish in the coming week. I write down people I need to email, I write down websites I need to visit, I write down all I want to accomplish school-wise, I write down places we have to be and people who are coming to visit. Both the fronts and backs of my notebook pages end up covered in frantic scribbles. It is wonderful to see my week pouring out in front of me!

Next, I transfer everything into their correct sections. Lest you think I have some fancy scheduling template, let me reassure you, my pages are simple notebook paper--nothing fancy there!

On the Meals page I write out only a couple of days worth of meals since life is rather unpredictable here. I fill in the rest as I go.

For School, I write down all the things I want to accomplish each day. In this section I also list books I'd like to buy, books I'd like to sell, and projects I've been meaning to have the children work on.

On the Homekeeping page, I write down our daily cleaning routine and add things to be decluttered and reorganized.

On the Activities page I write a day-by-day listing of any places we have to be or things we will be doing.

The Miscellaneous page I leave for those to-do's that don't 't fit anywhere else. This includes things to blog about, thank yous to write, people to call, etc.

In the mornings, I open my planning notebook on the counter with these pages laid out where I can readily reference them throughout the day. Everything is right there and I can add or subtract from them as I please. It makes for a much smoother flowing day!

So, grab a pen and paper and a cup of coffee and join me for a planning period!

Labels: Homeschooling, Organizing

Jan 24, 2009

Keeping It That Way

Note: this is NOT my dining room! :)

One thing I have come to realize is that a space that has been thoroughly decluttered and made tidy and beautiful begs to be kept that way. In fact, it is much easier to keep it clean when every nook and cranny has been cleaned out and it has been given a proper face lift.

Over the last couple of days I have been working through my dining room. My dining room consists of a bar that FLYlady would call a HOTSPOT, a buffet, our dining table and a china cabinet.

Once upon a time, my dining table was a dumping ground. When my oldest was little we used to have to push the junk to the center or back of the table in order to eat. Those days are long gone thanks to FLYlady; however, I no longer use her methods because they are a bit difficult to follow for a large family. I am grateful for the things she did teach me in those early days.

She is one who made me aware of hot spots...those places where junk multiplies. This is what my dining table used to be and somehow of late, had become again. So, yesterday, I cleared the table, cleaned it up, and put together a nice centerpiece. It hasn't taken a whole lot of effort to keep it that way.

The buffet needed only a small amount of tidying and the china cabinet is in good shape. However, the bar...oh, the bar. UGH! It is NEVER clean. It has massive amounts of paperwork on it and I am convinced it multiplies in the wee hours of the morning. This "little" project is taking days to complete.

As I think about my hotspot nightmare, I realize it is going to take some serious organization to make it stay clean once I get it that way. But, I really am at a loss as to how to organize it. It's the place where everything that will need attention at some point in time lands. It is the proverbial "catch-all". I've set the question before the MOMYS and now I set it before you, my readers, as well. HOW do you organize a space like this? I'm hoping someone out there has an answer, because until I get this space organized and looking neat, I doubt I can keep it that way!

That said, the rest of the room is looking ship-shape and is a real joy to view. I get a thrill out of tidy rooms. I find myself smiling and sighing. As long as I position myself just right so the door to the basement hides the bar, I can look upon my dining room in utter bliss.

Labels: A Tidy Home

Look Who's 3!

Well, it's official...my little guy is growing up. I mentioned in one of my grief posts how I had taken to babying him, but I am not sad at his turning 3. He is my little laddy boy still and I'll continue to squeeze him to pieces whenever he stands still long enough for me to do so.

He was born in the early evening of January 24th. My first child to be born completely drug-free. It was beautiful! I remember saying how it was the most fun a person could have in labor! Not a usual comment from a woman who has just given birth, but it was the absolute truth!

He was given an Irish name (spelled Cian in gaelic, but we spelled it Keian) in honor of my Irish father. We knew he would be the last baby of ours my father would hold. Dad died February 17 of the following year while I was pregnant with Emily.

God saw fit to give our little guy a strong dappling of Irish looks, including the same chin dimple his grandpa bore.

He was a wee bit fussy in the early days, but you would be too if you had to contend with a very lovey 16 month old big sister!

Now, this little guy is a ball of fire! He doesn't talk much still, but he can act out and make sounds enough to always get his point across! He's a hoot!

So, Happy Birthday Super K! We Love You!

Labels: Family Life

Jan 22, 2009

Regrouping

The last few days I have found myself looking about my home and my life and feeling the need to regroup, to reorganize, to regain control over what has been out of control for quite some time.

I am finally feeling clear-minded and able to juggle more than one thing (while carefully avoiding overdoing it! ;o) ). And while it is terribly overwhelming to jump into a task such as this, I am up for the challenge!

I am starting small. Decluttering being #1 on the list. I am decluttering by bits and pieces, stops and starts. Tonight the pantry was the victim of my merciless tossing and tidying.

It wasn't all that long ago that my mom came to visit and we decluttered like mad women for several days. However, shortly thereafter, my belly became much too burgeoning to haul around from room to room, getting up and down from the floor, pulling all sorts of articles from underneath beds and inside closets. So, I took up residence on the couch and sat there fat and sassy in my pregnant glory. Once I gave up the notion of trying to be super-mom I was perfectly content to sit there and allow school and housework to fall by the wayside. Christmas came and went, adding to our lovely home it's fair measure of more clutter. And since I was just sure my precious babe would be born any minute, I allowed presents to overtake our house without my customary banishment of the old clutter. Then baby did make his arrival and I found that recovering and caring for an infant are full time jobs. (Somehow I forget this nearly every time!)

But, lo and behold, Micah is easing into something resembling a routine. Or maybe it is I who have found something resembling a new normal, however shaky it may be. And of course, those who know me best, know that decluttering is what I do when I feel the need to control something. Obviously, I am walking through a period in my life when I am all too aware of my lack of control over many things. It feels good to me to be able to take the fragments of my home and command them into control, even if I cannot take the fragments of my heart and command much of anything over them. For me, this is coping.

I'm also taking a hard look at my homeschooling schedule, style, and curriculum. I've been pleased with many of the new things we've taken on this year, but I also see areas that just are not what they should be. Homeschooling is a work of art that is never truly finished. I see it as a sculpture that I am forever molding and remaking, pinching and smoothing. I know what I want it to look like, but in the end, it takes the capable hands of the Master Potter to make it as it should be. For that, I am thankful!

So, just as writing here is cathartic to me, so is this process of regrouping. Some feel disheartened when they realize all the things they want to do differently. They feel overwhelmed by the endless work ahead of them. I; however, am not one of these people. I am excited by the challenge. I like to see the curiosity in my children's faces when they realize mommy is doing something different. I like checking things off my list, setting goals, accomplishing something that makes me smile, even if it is something as menial as organizing the pantry.

I'd encourage you to join me in this regrouping! I'll probably continue to post here and there about my regrouping efforts, how I am going about it and what my results are. I'd love to hear what others are doing!

Labels: A Tidy Home, Life with a New Baby, The Grieving Mother

Jan 20, 2009

The Road to Recovery

I had forgotten just how much work it is to recover from childbirth. Granted, this birth was a bit different (who am I kidding? They've ALL been different...kind of like each child is different!). But once I hit 2 weeks and started feeling myself again, I figured I was superwoman...

WRONG!

Yesterday, in a desperate attempt to spend some time with my husband who has been gone off and on since we got home from the hospital, I overdid it.

My mom was here to celebrate an early birthday with our son and then she offered to watch the kiddos while Ty and I went out with Micah. I had some shopping to do and we wanted to have lunch together, so we jumped at the chance.

Lunch was at a great Lebanese restaurant down the street. Micah, of course, needed to be nursed as soon as my meal got to the table! But, the meal was delicious (kafta...yum, yum!) We also bought some tahini sauce while we were there. Looking back, THIS is where the "date" should have ended!

But, no, we head to the whole foods store. Ty and I have decided to South Beach it (this is how I lost the weight after baby #4), so I wanted to get some things there. Micah did pretty good, but I could tell he was not resting well and would be up soon wanting more to eat. (this is a totally different post, but this boy can eat!)

Then, my husband had this idea...a movie! We had free tickets and he was itching to see a new war flick, so I nervously agreed to try it. I've never taken a baby quite this small to the theatre and my intuition that Micah would not do so well was right. We ended watching free previews and leaving with our money back for a time when baby is a little older, can latch himself in a dark theatre and isn't easily startled by the noise (babies crying in a store is one thing...babies crying in a movie theatre is quite another!).

From there, we headed to WalMart for some groceries and a few other side items. The trip ended up much longer due to Micah needing to nurse several times and never quite settling down. By this time my pelvis was cracking and I could barely walk, I was fighting tears from exhaustion and irritation w/ myself, and poor Micah was beside himself. Thankfully, my husband kept his head about him, got us shopped and shuffled out of there. I cannot even begin to describe how wonderful the recliner felt when I got home!

So, the moral to this story is...

Just cuz you feel "normal", doesn't mean you are!

Labels: Life with a New Baby

Jan 15, 2009

Grief Revisited

Emily at 2 weeks

Micah at 2 weeks

These first two weeks with Micah have been filled to the brim with recovery from the rigors of labor and the c-section. I did nothing but nurse, take pain pills and sleep.

However, now I am beginning to feel more human and I'm no longer needing the pain pills and I am sleeping a bit less and I am feeling a bit more. Not the physical pain I was feeling before that some pill can remedy. This is a pain that is so much deeper and has so many more facets to it.

I do not look at Micah and see Emily. Yes, they have common characteristics as do all my children. A friend of mine jokes that my husband and I only know how to have one type of child with the only difference being that sometimes it is a boy and sometimes it is a girl. But, no, it is not that I see her when I look at him. The Lord gave me a blonde haired little boy, and for that, I am thankful.

A few days ago, I dreamt of Emily's death. I've never actually dreamt about that day. Of course, I relive it over and over in my consciousness, but never in my unconsciousness. Something about dreaming about that day caused me to begin to revisit my grief.

My pregnancy hormones are plummeting and with them come memories I cannot hold back. I do well to fight them off and on throughout the day. I despise grieving in front of people. Maybe that is because I do not want to make them uncomfortable. Or maybe it is pride. I honestly don't know...not sure I even care. I like to grieve alone. I can be as distraught as I want to be and no one feels they have to say anything to me. I can cry until my eyes hurt and the lump in my throat is vanquished and never feel as thought I must apologize for how I look or how I feel.

Only my husband sees the tears on a frequent basis. Lately, as I've cried more than usual, he has gently reminded me that hormones are making things more difficult. On top of that, I am remembering this time last year.

Our 2 year old is turning 3 very soon. Last year we all went to Chucky Cheese. Emmy was in the sling. This year it will be Micah, but there will be no Emily toddling along. A week after Keian turns 3, I will turn 32. Last year we went out to eat and lil' Emily wore her pretty white hat and precious little white outfit with the pink roses...the hat I keep in her trunk...the outfit we buried her in.

And then comes February. My little Micah will be 6 weeks on this earth when we honor my little Emily's passing from it.

And I still ask why. Why us? Why her?

Yet, I look at the legacy she has left here. She did more for the advancing of the Kingdom in months than many people do in years. And the Lord ordained it all.

And then there is Micah. Micah means "Who is like God?" It is a question. It is a question that the resounding answer to is NO ONE. Micah's middle name is Emmanuel..."God with us." This little boy carries a name that speaks of the Lord's power and the Lord's comfort. And it just so happens Emmanuel begins with the same first two letters as Emily's name.

Had Micah been born on his due date, it would have been a very precious thing~sharing the day we honor Jesus' birthday. However, the Lord caused him to wait another week and ordained that I should labor all day and into the night in order that he might be the first New Year's baby in the hospital I delivered at. Being the first New Year's baby carries with it the privelage of a newspaper write up along with photos and whatever story the family might have. Our story, Micah's story, Emily's story, was front page headlines. The reporter left out nothing. She published our words of hope and faith in a God that does not forsake us or leave us in our times of trouble.

We may rejoice. We may mourn. God is with us. Who is like God? No one.

Baby Micah

Labels: Family Life, Life with a New Baby, The Grieving Mother

Jan 9, 2009

The Grieving Mother

This section of Raising Arrows was born out of my own grief, poured out onto these pages following the death of my 5th child, a beautiful little girl named Emily.

What you will find here are pieces of me and my journey with the prayer that other grieving parents will find encouragement and comfort from the things our family has gone through and continues to go through. And above all...

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

Emily's Story

Remembering Emmy

My Journey
(Posts are in chronological order, newest to oldest)

Grief Posts You Should Read

Moving Forward
A Beautiful Mess

Things Others Should Know About Grief

Grief Is Dirty
What Can I Do?

Molly Piper's Series on
How To Help A Grieving Friend:
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6
Part 7
Part 8
Part 9
Part 10
Part 11

Links to Grief Resources: Coming Soon

Jan 8, 2009

Introducing Micah Emmanuel!

As a note to all of you who wondered why I haven't updated...

It is a LONG way down to the basement where our computer resides!

Without further ado...

Introducing Baby Micah Emmanuel
Born New Year's Day 2009 @ 12:18 am
10# 6 oz
22.5 "

We arrived at the hospital on Wed 12/31 for monitoring. At 7 am, the doctors arrived and turned baby very easily. They started pitocin shortly thereafter. It didn't take much to get a good labor pattern going. I decided to lay down and rest between cntrx. Suddenly, I felt/heard a pop, but there was no leaking so I figured it was just a kick or something. However, when I got up to go to the bathrm, water came gushing! My first question was a frantic, "Is it clear???" The nurse said yes, but that there was a lot of vernix in it. So, that explained the murkiness.

I got up and bounced on the birthing ball and continued to lose a ton of water, but at some point labor stalled out (we had stopped the pit as soon as I had a good pattern going). So, dr. checked baby's position again and we started back in on the pit. However, it was only a short time b/f labor got intense. Dr. checked me again and I was a 3, but baby continued to be barely reachable.

It was at this point labor got intense. Ty kicked into high gear and we started the whole swaying, moaning birthing dance. At 4pm, I was a 4. At 5pm, I was a 5. But then I didn't feel like I could do it anymore. I asked for an epidural and told Ty I was done being a martyr.

My dr. and the anesth. showed up at the same time and my dr said I sounded like I was close to being complete. She wanted to check me b/f I committed to an epi. Well, I was a 7 (that meant I went from a 5 to a 7 in about 20 mins). So, I decided to try and stick it out. By 7pm, I was complete, but baby was still very high and I had that silly cervical lip.

I managed to push past the lip and push baby down onto the cervix, but 2 hours of pushing thereafter did nothing but wear me out.

Then baby's heart rate began to decellerate. I knew something was wrong by the way everyone was looking at the monitors. He was going from 170 to 60 w/ each contraction. Dr. would wiggle on his head as I contracted trying to get him to perk up. Next thing I knew I was on oxygen and laying there bawling. I held Emmy's bracelet and prayed and fought the fears.

The next option was to try an epidural and see if my pelvis would relax. By this point, I was in so much pain, the idea of an epi. was a welcome one. However, it took the anesth forever to get a good spot. She had to wait between cntrx and had to stick me 5 times.

It turned out to be the strangest epi I've ever had. I could still feel and move my legs, so in an attempt to get baby to move down, I pushed on all fours and squatting and moving as much as I could. Baby's heartrate was much better when I was pushing, so I felt much better about his safety. After 2 hours of this, I was starting to feel cntrx again and nothing had changed. I began to realize that there were no options left but a c-section. About 30 mins later, the dr. came to the same conclusion. I am glad I made peace with it before she came to me about it.

By this time, I was in excruciating pain again. They prepped me and got me to the OR and finally the anesth got there and gave me the surgical dose of epidural. At some point, someone in the OR said, "Happy New Year!" and I knew we'd pbly be the first New Year's baby!

I bawled through most of the surgery, but it was a good cry. I cried through my fears and cried for Emmy and cried for all the ups and downs of the past year. And then, baby Micah gave his first cry. I fell in love.

So, that's Micah's birth story. He has quite an incredible heritage!

Labels: Birthing

Jan 1, 2009

The Homeschooling Mother

Despite the fact that homeschooling has become much more commonplace in recent years, it is still not uncommon to get a few raised eyebrows when people discover you homeschool. I've gotten used to it. It's the skin I'm in.
No, I don't have all the answers, but after 7 years of teaching my children at home, I was told I now belong in the "veteran homeschoolers" category. I don't feel much like I belong there, but I do have a few battle scars and whole lot of stories!
I'm just another homeschooling mother in the trenches...right where the Lord would have me!
This page is dedicated to all things homeschooling. You'll find great links and articles to inform and encourage. And above all, may God be glorified by all that is offered here.

*****