"In Faithfulness, He Afflicted Me"

The Lord moved us to the city in August of 2007. Shortly after that, we "accidentally" found a home church in the area that was Family-Integrated, meaning the entire family was together to worship the entire time. In this small gathering was a family who had lost 3 of their 9 children. It was heart-wrentching to think about, but little did I know that soon I would face the death of a child and not just "think" about it, but "live" it.

All through Emmy's illness, Kyle and Lynnette were there. Christmas Eve, as we waited to be released from the hospital after 3 long weeks, Kyle sat with us and played his guitar and sang to little Emily. Six weeks later, he would sing at her funeral.

Lynnette was the first person I called that morning from the ER. I needed someone who knew this pain. She screamed over the phone. Her reaction is the only reaction from outside of myself I remember that day. It was the pain of a mother who had been there.

Kyle and Lynnette stayed by our sides through those awful first days, ministering to us in a way that only a family who has lived through the nightmare of losing a child can do.

And when I was ready, Lynnette let me read a rough draft of her book. I could only read it a few pages at a time. There was so much there to digest, to mull over, to wonder about. I saw her family and I knew they had lived through this heartache 3 times and yet, there was joy. Could we ever find that place? It really did not seem possible.

Yet, her book offered that hope. And it gave the Reason for that hope. That book is now available for purchase.



Lynnette's blog can be found at http://lynnettekraft.blogspot.com/

Her website is http://www.growingthroughaffliction.com/

What-I-Did List INSTEAD of To-Do List

I recently posted this thought on MOMYS and thought I would share it here as well...


I have a dear friend w/ 10 children (yes, same family living in the garage...bet you feel like you know them by now, huh?) who was really struggling w/ never getting everything done on her To-Do List. She felt like a failure every single day. After lamenting this fact to her husband, he responded with a rather creative way to give her some perspective. He asked her to make a What-I-Did List for a whole week.


With the help of her oldest child, she wrote down every little thing she did from changing diapers, to taking a potty-training child to the bathroom, to cooking meals, to cleaning up an unexpected mess. Here she thought she was somehow squandering time, only to realize she truly was a VERY busy woman.


We definitely need to examine ourselves to be certain we aren't squandering time, but quite often our To-Do List is not getting done simply because our What-I-Did List takes over. I know there are days when my dry erase board is filled to the brim with my To-Dos and very few of them seem to get erased. However, I have taken to occasionally writing something extra I did on that board just so I can erase it!


And right now, with the potty training, I get very little else done. Who would have thought potty-training was a full time job?! So, I have even added Potty Train to my To-Do list because honestly, there are days when I feel like I have done very little aside from making multiple trips to the bathroom and the laundry room.


So, if you are feeling discouraged by how little you seem to be getting done on your To-Do List, then stop making a To-Do List and start making a What-I-Did List! More than likely you will find a great deal of accomplishment there.

Potty Training while Pregnant

It was that golden opportunity every mother dreams of...a little boy who WANTS to potty train! However, it has come at a most inopportune time.

I awake Monday morning to a little boy in a rather soggy diaper begging me to go to the bathroom. No way am I going to pass this up! However, as I am helping him get situated I realize this is NOT a good week for this. We leave on vacation soon...very soon. It's a long drive and I am not confidant that less than a week is enough time to fully potty train a little boy...a girl...maybe...a boy...nope. But, it's too late. He's up there. He's smilin'. And I am trapped.

So, I set the timer, put on my Superwoman cape, and I start my list of To-Dos. At the top is Potty Train. Below that follows pack, finish all sorts of preparations, teach school, oh yeah, and be pregnant.

Being pregnant often makes the Superwoman cape a bit snug. The simple act of going up and down the stairs to do laundry suddenly looks less like leaping tall buildings and more like running a marathon...with all your children strapped to your back. And guess what potty training creates? LAUNDRY! They are not perfect, they have accidents, they dribble just a little, they change underwear 90 times a day. I only *thought* I had a large stash of undies for this little guy!

So, on top of doing load after load of undies, I am also beholden to the timer. Some people hate the timer idea, but I am naturally forgetful, so when potty training, the timer is a must-have for me. However, it does put a bit of a wrench in the To-Do list. Every 15 minutes this crazy thing is going off and I'm saying, "Time to go potty!" in as cheerful and excited of a voice as I can muster. We trot off to the bathroom, leaving behind whatever other household chore I might be in the middle of, and we sit and read and sing songs and wait. My older children joked that someday the timer will go off while I'm baking bread and K will think it's time to go to the bathroom! Hmmmm...Pavlov move over!

Now, I must admit, he's doing quite well, but I am TIRED! I pulled off the Superwoman routine yesterday, but today I was not quite so super. I ran out of undies and had to literally find items to wash since I've been so "on top" of the laundry due to the potty training, I kept falling asleep, and I ignored the timer more than once. Will I succeed in having a fully potty trained boy by the end of the week? Let's just say no...that way, if by some off-the-wall chance I actually get this accomplished, I will be pleasantly surprised. :)

Watermelon & Rull Kuka

As a child, every August meant there would be one meal consisting only of watermelon and rull kuka. Yummy!

I imagine all of you know what watermelon is, but most of you are probably scratching your heads at the rull kuka? Well, my German mother, of Mennonite background, managed to fill my stomach with many dishes that no one else I knew ate. In fact, I was sitting down to a school lunch of pancakes when I realized that these fat, round things on my plate were what everyone else considered pancakes, while I knew only thin, rolled-up-crepe-like delicacies. I'm still not real fond of those thick things the rest of you eat.

So, back to the rull kuka. Many people put salt on their watermelon, for some unknown reason. My family eats these salty, fried rectangles of bread instead. In case you feel daring and have some watermelon nearby, here is the recipe...

6 eggs
1/4 c. melted butter
2/3 c. milk
5 c. flour
2 tsp salt

Beat eggs, butter and milk in a bowl. Add in flour and salt and mix well. Roll out onto a floured board. Cut into 3"x6" rectangles and cut a small slit lengthwise down the center of each.

Fry in 1" of fat until light brown.


Serve with watermelon.

Shopping Day

Part 4 of Once-A-Month Shopping ~

Shopping Day is going to be exhausting no matter how you slice it. At one point in time, I was going to 3 different stores to buy everything I needed. Recently, my husband asked that I choose the one store where I can get everything and buy from there exclusively. This will have to be a decision between you and your husband, but I must say going to only the one store has been a welcome relief, and the difference in the pocketbook hasn't been all that noticeable. In fact, as another person commented, we save quite a bit of money just by shopping once a month rather than weekly.

The next decision that must be made is whether or not to take all the children or just some of the children. I will be honest with you...even if you are a small family, you will still more than likely need more than 1 cart; therefore, needing a helper of some sorts. At one point in time, my husband was able to come and help, so we took all the children. Occasionally, I have taken all the children by myself. On this recent shopping trip, I took only my 10 year old. I honestly can't say that one way is better than another. They all have their merits and their downfalls. And of course, this aspect of shopping day cannot always be a matter of preference. Sometimes you have no choice as to whether you take all or one of the children. If this is the case, make sure you start your day when the children are the least likely to be hungry or tired, have set rules in place (who sits in the cart, who holds onto the cart, no whining for food while in the store, etc), and be prepared to NOT get all the shopping done in one day.

Next decision is what vehicle to take based on how much room you have in each. For those of you with one vehicle, this is a no-brainer. Our family has my husband's work car and our minivan. If you are only taking one child with you, then a car may do because you will have several easily-accessed seats as well as the trunk space. Our minivan just about doesn't do the trick because our seats have quite a few car seats attached to them (and I really dislike pulling them out and putting them back in when I am pregnant). Also, shopping at one store with all the children in a minivan just doesn't work well. When we shopped at several stores with all the children, we had to stop between stores and unload. Quick reminder: CLEAN OUT YOUR VEHICLE! Do not try to do a once-a-month shopping trip with a trunk or cargo space full of junk. For those of you who have seen the Dugger docu-dramas, you may have noticed that they take a seat or two out of their 15 passenger before their shopping trip. This is a feasible idea when you have older children who can help with this task, but for a family of mostly littles, it just doesn't seem doable. But, I have no doubt, you will find some way that works.

Now, you are FINALLY ready to leave the house! Don't forget, if you are shopping at a warehouse type place (like Aldi), you will need your own bags and boxes. And of course, don't forget your money and your Master Grocery List! Another thing you will need is a good, working pen. I know, that seems like a silly thing to say, but trust me, a 4 page shopping list WITHOUT a pen is a NIGHTMARE!

Once you have a working knowledge of the layouts of the different stores you will be going to, you can arrange your list accordingly (until they remodel and completely confuse you!) I would also encourage you to price check if you are choosing to go to more than one store. The easiest way to do this is to simply jot down the price at each store next to each item you pick up. Don't beat yourself up if this first time you buy tomato sauce for $.10 more than you could have bought it for down the street...it's a learning curve.

As you work your way through your list, mark things off. I have also realized that when working with a list this large, it is easy to visually lose track of those items you haven't gotten yet, especially after you've gotten almost everything on that particular page. When I get down to just a few items on a page, I circle those items. This also helps me to see at a glance what I didn't get at my one store because they didn't have it in stock or it wasn't to my liking (like the strawberries this last time...all moldy...yuck!)

I also choose to shop with 1 cart until I need the next cart. I then send my son to get the next cart and we proceed to fill his up as well. For our size of family, it takes 2 full carts to do our monthly shopping. I am also going to add in here that patience is a virtue. This kind of shopping is not to be done on a day when you must rush and not to be done with the mindset that you have to get in and get out as fast as you can even if you truly aren't on a time schedule. Even if your actual shopping is flawless, you will somehow find yourself in a checkout line that comes to an utter standstill with 2 people ahead of you and 2 people behind you. Freaking out now would be ridiculous. Take a deep breath and be patient. You'd want people to be patient with you if it were you holding up the line...and someday, it probably will be you.

Now, for some reason, bags of groceries do not fit as well in a cart as loose groceries, so you may have to be rather creative to get all those groceries you just piled into your cart back into your cart once they've been sacked. Head out to the vehicle and unload, making sure you and those who are helping you are aware of the finer points of stacking groceries...bread does not fair well at the bottom of the pile. Actually, you should have had this crash course prior to entering the grocery store since stacking rules also apply when putting things into a cart.

The next step of Shopping Day is my least favorite...putting the groceries away. In fact, it is not uncommon for me to find all the cold stuff, put it all away, and leave the rest to be done the next day. I do not have any children old enough to stock a pantry properly, so the entire job of putting pantry items away is mine. Soon, I hope to train my oldest to do it, but he is just not quite there yet.

A quick note about my pantry. In our previous home, we had no real cupboard space. This required me to buy heavy duty shelves to place in the kitchen as well as utilizing the space beneath our buffet. If this is your plight, then use those creative brain cells and figure something out. One home we lived in had linen shelves above the washer and dryer. I kept my towels elsewhere so I could use that space to store canned goods since there was very limited cabinet space in the kitchen itself. In our new home, I was very excited to find that what I originally thought was a coat closet in the dining room near the garage door was actually an already shelved pantry! That is another option...fix a coat closet up with shelving (ours is just metal brackets and boards) and store your coats in your closets or on hooks somewhere else. No matter what form your pantry takes, I would highly encourage you...no, I command you!...to make it neat and usable. This doesn't mean alphabetizing the cans, but it does mean having things in some sort of order, so they are at your fingertips and easy to see. A hodge-podge of a pantry will not be utilized as it should be and you will not save money because you will forever be buying duplicates of items you already had on hand but couldn't see because of your poorly organized pantry. I say this as someone who has been there, done that. Learn from my mistakes...please!

We also have 2 refrigerators and an upright freezer. However, this is not necessary. We did without for a long time; however, now that we buy our beef 1/2 a side at a time, the freezer is necessary. The refrigerator came with the house, and has proved to be a nice addition. But, I wouldn't want anyone to feel they couldn't shop once a month successfully without the extra appliances. It is possible. I have done it.

Now, you are fully stocked and ready to cook for the month. And, as was said in one of the comments, even if you don't make exactly what is on your menu list, you still have enough in your pantry to make something. To me, this is what being fully stocked is all about. If I suddenly need a specific dish that I didn't have on my list, it is rarely a big deal because I still have the ingredients on hand. If I have to take away from a meal that is on the list because of this impromptu meal, I simply cross the orginal meal off my list so I am aware I no longer have the ingredients on hand to make that dish. This is what I do anyway once a meal has been prepared and I am out of those specific ingredients. I also keep notes on my Meal List as to whether or not a meal was liked or disliked...a smiley face means it was well-received by all and a dish that has been scribbled through means I won't be serving that again!

So, that is Shopping Day. And this, my friends, is the end of the series on Once-A-Month Shopping!

The Master Grocery List

Part 3 of Once-A-Month Shopping ~

To get started with your grocery list, think about the various sections of a grocery store. You have dairy, fresh fruits & veggies, breads, etc. My grocery list is based off of this as well as how my pantry and cupboards are lined out. Come up with a way that works for you.

Here are my categories:
Baking Needs
Condiments/Spices
Pasta/Rice
Canned Fruit
Fresh Fruits & Veggies
Dairy
Meats
Snacks/Breads
Canned Goods
Frozen
Cereal
Miscellaneous

Some day I will probably revamp these because honestly, canned fruit does not need a seperate section, but for now this is how my list is set up.

Now, take a look at your meals. What items do you need to make those specific meals? What items do you use on a regular basis that are not covered by what is needed for you meals? What is currently in your pantry? The way I started was by taking my friend's list and then taking off what our family never uses that her family does and adding what I needed for my meal list. This is one case where cheating is allowed! (I'll post the link to my grocery list at the end of the post, so you can do this if you would like.)

The Miscellaneous section is where I put things like trash bags, ziplock bags, laundry detergent, etc. I also have room here to jot down anything extra I may need that month that falls outside the norm like shoes for the children or a storage container or printer ink.

My list is full of items that I do not buy every single month. I keep them on the list because we do need them often to justify allowing them to have a permanent place. This is where a Master List differs from a regular ole grocery list. I'll demonstrate in a moment how this works. But first, you need to take a hard look at just how many of each item on your list you go through in a month. Along with this, consider how many of each item you wish to "have on hand." For instance, I like to have 2 boxes of spaghetti on hand. Very rarely do we go through a full 2 boxes, but it is good to have that option. Trash sacks are the same way. We don't go through a full 2 boxes of trash sacks in a month's time, but we will go through more than 1, so I need to have 2 on hand. Make sense?

In order to reflect this on your list, you need to have this set up:

_____ Trash Sacks 2
_____ Spaghetti 2

The number following the item is how many you would like to have on hand. The line in front of the item is for you to write in how many you need in order to attain this magic number. This is where you have the luxury of simply not putting anything on the line for those items that you do not need every single month.

Once you have done this for all the items on your list and saved it to a word document or some such thing, you can now send your big kids a runnin'! Every month before shopping day, I send my oldest to inventory what is left. I know some people keep a running inventory posted beside each refrigerator/freezer, but I am just not this organized. I did try this once, but it was a disaster because inevitably someone took something out and forgot to mark that they took that particular item out. Pretty much defeats the purpose of an inventory check-list.

The easiest way I've found to do this particular step is to use my master grocery list and rattle off an item and ask him to find out how many we have of that item. Of course, if you do not have big kids or you are worried that your big kids won't count correctly, then you are welcome to do this step yourself...I've just found it a wonderful asset to have a helper who can do this alongside me. We go through the entire list, pen in hand, and mark exactly how many of each item we need to be fully stocked. It is also at this point that I add all the little extra items I need to my list. I keep a running list of these random items on our dry erase board.

Now, a quick note to remember...whenever you change menus, you will be changing your master grocery list as well. DO NOT FORGET to do this!

Also keep in mind that your list will be LONG. My list is 4 pages! But, this will not be the only thing that will make you an oddity in the grocery store...more on that in the next post entitled Shopping Day.

Here is my
MASTER GROCERY LIST

The Master Meal List

Part 2 of Once-A-Month-Shopping ~

The first crucial piece of this shopping once a month puzzle is the Master Meal List. There are several ways you can go about sculpting this bit of domestic art.

First, you should consider what categories you need. I have 3 categories: BREAKFAST, LUNCH/DINNER, MISCELLANEOUS/SIDES. Some of you may not need the Breakfast category, but I do. My brain simply does not work in the morning. I have long since resolved myself to this fact, yet I continue to stand in awe of those of you who are at the top of your game in the morning.

Some of you may prefer to categorize your meals by the day of the week. We live a rather "flexible" lifestyle, so that way does not work for us, but for many people it works quite well. If you choose this way of categorizing, your meal list would look something like this:

Day of the Week ~ breakfast, lunch & sides, dinner & sides

You could continue this on down your page and even throw in snacks and desserts if you wanted. You also have the ability to make this a repeating menu if your family doesn't mind repeating menus. That means EVERY Monday contains the same meals. There are many families out there who love this kind of menu (those of you who read my Homeschooling Blog will recognize them as your Scheduled Family.)

The reason I do a real general categorizing is because I like the flexibility of glancing at the list and picking and choosing from what sounds good to me or what I have time for that day. So, really what you are considering here is more personality type than anything. Do you like things set in place ahead of time or do you like things flexible?

Once you've determined your categories and how you'll be setting up your Meal List, you now must decide just how many meals you need. Once again, this is a personal thing. Does your family eat out? How often? Do you have a date night where you will need someone else to feed your children something simple? Do you have regular potlucks at church or days you consistantly spend elsewhere, like with friends or family? From this brainstorming, you will pull an approximate number of meals you eat in your home per month. Now, this is where it could get kind of hairy if I try to give you examples of every type of Meal List out there, so I am going to simply explain the way this works with our meal list.

My family does not mind repeating breakfasts, but I like to have a lot to choose from. We never eat breakfast out, so I have somewhere around 15 on my list.

I combined the lunch and dinner categories because my husband's hours can sometimes be rather random. He is occasionally home for lunch, but more often than not, he is not at home and our lunches are something fairly simple. However, I wanted to have the flexibility to choose simple or not-so-simple at a whim, thus the reason for the combined category. I tend to have somewhere between 30-40 meals listed there. We eat out fairly regularly (I say as I duck to avoid the flying frugal comments) and some of these meals will most definitely equal leftovers. Oh yeah! I forgot to mention the Leftovers Factor. I would HIGHLY encourage you to make enough food at your bigger meal of the day to have leftovers for your smaller meal several times a week.

Some of you may be a bit confused by my Miscellaneous/Sides category. This is where I put anything that doesn't fit into the previous two categories. This is dessert, bulk recipes, special sides that actually have to made and not simply opened (;o)), special snacks, things I need to make for a certain event or gathering. It's really my catch-all category. Once again...personal preference. This category for me does not need a specific number. You'll see in a moment how I gather these.

OK, you have a general idea of how many meals you need. Now comes the fun part...finding meals! You can simply pull from tried and true meals you know your family loves, you can poll the husband and children on what they would like to see on your meal list, or you can do what I do and randomly pull out a cookbook and write down what sounds good! (I imagine you are beginning to see a definite trend in my behavior, aren't you?) My Miscellaneous category is a direct result of these random gatherings. If I see something I want to try that doesn't belong in the Breakfast or the Lunch/Dinner categories, into the Miscellaneous slot it goes!

You will also need to somehow document where you've pulled the recipe from. This could possibly be an abbreviated cookbook name with page number or marked "card" if it is on an index card in your recipe box. Just some way for you to easily find the recipe.

Now you can neatly pull your Master Meal List together either by a word document or in your own handwritng on a sheet of paper or on a dry erase board. Mine is in a word document because I know my meal list will change. There will be recipes that too many members of the family dislike, or I will need a change of cookbooks, or the change of seasons will bring about my need to bake more or less...you get the idea. And since I am a rather visual person, my Meal List is in color and has pictures to go along with the season as well. (Boy, do I feel like a preschooler right about now! lol)

Also, because I am a visual person, I understand that there are some of you out there who are reading this and wishing I would just post a picture of my meal list and get on with it. Your wish is my command...

MY MASTER MEAL LIST

OK, now that we have a workable meal list, it's time to create our shopping list from this meal list. Next post...

Once-A-Month Shopping

Part 1~
{to see my revised list click HERE)

As I sat down today to work on my shopping list, I thought some of you might be interested in how I do it. I'll be posting this in segments under Large Family Living, but even if you don't have a large family, you can definitely benefit from shopping only once a month and using master lists to do so.

Shopping once a month came about for me after having my 4th child. I also had recently added my 2nd oldest child to our homeschooling routine and life was just too busy at home to leave the house much. Something about that 4th child threw me for a loop. All my routines and ways of doing things no longer worked. I had to revamp nearly all my daily activities from cleaning to cooking to shopping. I am one of those women who can easily discern the PROBLEM, but can rarely find the SOLUTION on her own. However, I am very adept at searching for a solution and asking tons of questions from many different sources until I find an answer that works for my particular problem.

Shopping was one of these problems. I knew I absolutely could not shop every week. My husband had generously offered to do the shopping for me, but in reality, he did not have the time for this either, and I much preferred for him to spend that precious time at home with us. So, for many months, we just "got by" without any rhyme or reason to our shopping habits. For any of you who have tried to just get by anywhere in your life, you begin to realize that this type of living begins to suck the joy out other areas of your life. For me, it was cooking. I rarely had the right ingredients for ANYTHING; therefore, I didn't want to cook ANYTHING. Meals became a hodge podge of mostly junk. I knew something had to change. But what? Remember, I am very able to see the PROBLEM. ;o)

One day, while our family was visiting a family twice our size, I began to pick the mama's brain. She graciously shared her "secret" with me and it has become our own secret of success.

It was so incredibly simple, I could hardly believe it. It was to shop Once-A-Month. Now, we've all heard of COOKING Once-A-Month, but shopping once a month seems utterly impossible. (I will admit that cooking once a month for me seems utterly impossible as well...maybe someday I'll try it, but for now, I prefer to cook on an as-needed basis).

She said there are even some months they can go 6 weeks without shopping again; however, they do tend to feel like an out-house at that point..."out" of everything. She has floor to ceiling shelving that accommodates this major shopping trip, and a cute little juice cubby her husband rigged up. As I listened to her explain the ins and outs of shopping this way, I was fascinated and a little scared. Could it really work for us? We had only 4 children to her 9. But, I was at my wit's end and was willing to give it a try.

She gave me two more crucial pieces of information, that I will share in subsequent posts:

A Master Meal List

and

A Master Grocery List

I also want to add one thing before concluding this post. If you choose to shop once a month, you will still have to go out for milk and eggs and fresh produce about every other week. However, in my mind, this is much more doable than a huge shopping trip every single week.

Coming Home

The past few days, my husband and I were in Nashville, Tennessee for a Boy Scouts of America conference. My husband works for this organization as a Field Director. The conference was fantastic, but coming home brought something I was not prepared for.

At the conference, there were no Emily memories. Yes, I told a few people about her and there were those who already knew, but in a sea of 4000 people, the death of a child isn't something that readily comes up. We've also taken to simply telling people this child I am carrying is our 6th. Only if the person really begins to dig, do we divulge more information. So, beyond the incredulous looks we got when we told people this was our 6th NOT our 1st, there was very little there to remind me of Emily. We had never been to Nashville with Emily and during the conference there was very little time to even think about life at home because they had us running here and there from sun up to sun down. I carried her pictures with me nearly everywhere I went, but grief did not have its grip on me.

However, as we rounded the corner toward home, I began to feel the memories. At first, they were memories of the hospital stays and surgeries when I would come home late at night to take a bath and grab clothes for the next few days. She was alive and I had no real fears of her dying. I don't ever remember fearing death during all those weeks. These memories are precious to me, but very hard because I long for those days again. Those days when it was just her daddy and I standing over her day in and day out, smoothing her hair behind her ears, changing the dressing on her central line, loving on her.

As I walked into the house, the two oldest children raced to greet me and amongst all the hellos and goodbyes to my mother who had stayed with them, my grief was allayed. However, as I walked into my bedroom to lay down for some much needed rest, I saw Emily's sketch, the trunk with her clothes and things in it, and the empty bassinet propped against the wall. These were memories of what was no longer. No baby to nurse to sleep, no little open-mouthed kisses to greet me. Tears melted into sleep.

Today, as I tried to recover from the exhaustion and nausea brought on by the fast food we ate on the trip home, I found myself fighting the barage of memories over and over again. This time they were of her death. It is nearly impossible for me to stop the memories of the night before and the morning of her death. It plays and plays until I break.

But, what I have noticed is that my moments of utter dispair are rather short in comparison to what they once were. A few minutes and I am able to get up and move forward again. I am grateful for this.

I missed my children so much and was so happy to see them, but amid the joyful reunion was a sadness. Another child I miss is not in this home. She did not run to greet me. She did not smile up at me and ask about my trip. She did not wrap her little arms about my leg and jump up and down. She does not live here.

However, some day I will truly come home and no grief will be waiting for me there. What a day that will be!