Homeschooling - What If I Get Tired of the Kids?

Back to the homeschooling questions!

Here's one I hear A LOT!  Mostly I hear it phrased this way:

"I couldn't homeschool my kids because I couldn't stand to be around them 24/7."

I think the people who say such things to me think I have some sort of innate super-human patience they do not possess; therefore, *I* can homeschool, while they most definitely cannot.

OK, let's dispel that myth once and for all.

Remember, I'm the lady who couldn't wait to send her child off on the big yellow school bus?  I was the lady who begged to have her tubes tied during her 3rd pregnancy.  Patience was not my forte.  In fact, I'm not sure it is even now.

Super-human...Nope.  Supernatural is more like it.

I don't grow tired of my kids because the Lord renews me over and over and over again.

There is such a thing as homeschool burnout, but there are some things you can set in place to help keep you from hitting the wall:

1.  Surround yourself with encouraging homeschool moms.  I'm not necessarily talking about ladies who never have troubles of their own or who spend their lives with a goofy smile on their faces.  I'm talking about real women who offer real answers with real encouragement.

Perhaps they are online (there are a million forums out there...pick one!)  Even better if they are just a phone call away.

Join a homeschool support group just for moms.  Not one where you commiserate over all the bad things, but one where you come home uplifted and edified.  This isn't selfish.  It's a great way to keep from becoming selfish. 

2.  Remember why you homeschool.  Post the goals.  Post the Scripture.  When you are feeling like you've had enough, go back to the roots.

3.  Read encouraging books, magazines, and blogs or watch encouraging videos.  I know you think you don't have time, but sometimes all you need is a quick pep talk.  Some of my favorites are:
Books
When You Rise Up by R.C. Sproul, Jr.
Educating the Wholehearted Child by Sally Clarkson

Magazines
The Old Schoolhouse
Salt Magazine

Blogs 
(Don't want to step on any toes here.  I read so many homeschooling blogs it would take an entire post to list them all!  These are just a few of the many!)

Discover the Child
A House on Fire
A High & Noble Calling
Regan Family Farm
Peace Creek Prairie

Videos
The Children of Caesar ~ Voddie Baucham
(watch an excerpt here on You Tube)

4.  Change things up.  When the children are at each other and you are at them, do something different.  Take a field trip.  Give yourself the day off.  Meet friends at the park and let the kids run.  Homeschooling does not (and should not) look like traditional public school.  You are not bound to the kitchen table with scope and sequence ropes that won't let you do anything out of the norm.  If the kids are driving you crazy, chances are you're driving them crazy too.  Do something different!

5.  You're not perfect...and it's okay.  There will be days when you are supermom.  There will be days when you wish you could just crawl in a hole.  If most days you are somewhere in between the two, you're doing good.  Let go of unrealistic expectations.  Let God be in charge.

and finally...

6.  Kids are kids.  Don't expect perfection from them either.    Love 'em where they live, train 'em in the way they should go, always remember they are a blessing.

Who could grow tired of this? 

How bored I would be without them!

Are You Raising Arrows?

Helping the Speech Delayed Toddler & Preschooler at Home

Once upon a time, we had a non-verbal toddler.  It's hard to tell in young children how their speech will develop prior to the formation of sounds, then words, then sentences. As we came to the realization that our son was not progressing as a normal toddler would, we chose to wait rather than worry.

While we waited, we taught him baby sign language for the everyday words he needed to use but could not form.  It took him less than a week to begin using the signs we were teaching.  His screaming for what he wanted lessened dramatically at that point and eventually stopped altogether.

About 6 months later we began hearing him form consonants and babbling as he should have done in babyhood.  However, there was a lack of consistency in sounds and coherent words.  But we continued to wait and see.  A few months later, we saw very little progress, so we decided a hearing screen was needed.  We walked away from that appointment with the knowledge that our son's ears were perfect and the reason for the delay was unknown.  K was 4 months shy of his 3rd birthday and the doctor suggested we "wait and see."  So we did.

The very next day he said, "Mama."  My heart melted.

I'd like to offer you a bit of a checklist based on the advice we've been given and the things we've done over the past (almost) 4 years to help our son go from non-verbal to full sentences (as of this month!).  It's not comprehensive by any means, but it does contain the things we've found to be most helpful in the process.

1.  Make sure your child is not tongue-tied.    This was the first thing I checked when Keian was about 4 months old.  I knew from my La Leche League experience that tongue-tied babies often have trouble nursing and make clicking noises when they do nurse.  K didn't have any issues with nursing, but I knew he wasn't babbling as you would expect by that point, so it was a natural thing to check for.

2.  Teach sign language, but never use it in place of verbalizing.  Baby signs are a great tool, but you must ALWAYS SAY THE WORD with the sign.  Using sign language with your child will not delay them even more if used alongside the word they are to be learning.  In fact, the repeated use of the sign AND the word together actually encourages the child to take that step into speaking because they are being inundated with the word over and over again and they believe the word and the sign go hand in hand.

3.  Speak to your child on your child's level and enunciate words clearly.  Get right in front of your child when you speak to him.  For Keian, we even break words down into syllables, enunciating each syllable distinctly and asking him to repeat after us.  We also break down sentences into individual words.

4.  Ask them to repeat after you, but don't overdo it.  Parroting is an excellent way to get your child to at least try to speak intelligible words, but if you harp on them too much, you will only aggravate them and reap the opposite result.

5.  Read and interact with them for 15 minutes every day ALONE.  This is difficult in a household our size, but I managed to shut us up in the bedroom and read to him as much as I could.  I didn't usually get 15 minutes in because he thought that was a bit too long, but what time I did get was spent reading and asking questions and helping him to respond (and of course, sharing tons of cuddling!)

6.  Be aware of tongue and teeth placement in speech.  I can thank my semantics class in college for introducing  me to this very important part of speech therapy.  You have to know how letters are formed in order to help a speech delayed child.  You have to have a basic understanding where the tongue and teeth are in each sound made.  It's not hard to do if you take the time to consider your own speech, but it can be hard to get across to your child.  This is where a good speech therapist comes in quite handy.  But even if you do choose to take your child to a speech therapist, it is still good for you to know the basics of tongue posture to be able to work with your child at home.

7.  Get their ears checked if you don't see progress (or if you feel there is something more than just a speech delay going on).  Keian was almost 3 when we decided we had to take him in for more than just a simple ear exam.  There are conditions where a child seems to be hearing you, but what they are really hearing sounds as if they are underwater.  This causes many letters to sound garbled to them, which in turn, causes them to be unable to pronounce the sounds correctly.  We didn't want to leave any stones unturned in helping K speak, so we chose to take him in and were pleased to find out his ears were just fine.

8.  Praise them for their progress (even if it isn't much).  Children love praise and need to know they are on the right track.  If your child manages to eek out one little syllable, praise him mightily!  It's a start!  Let them know they've done something right.

Keian continues to be about 18 months "behind" in his speech, but as long as he is consistently gaining ground, we are pleased and will continue to work with him here at home.

*****

Don't forget I'm also at The Homeschool Classroom today with my post

Homeschooling Mamas Need a Planning Period Too!

Children & Chores

"All he has to do is take out the trash, Mom! Can you believe that?! And he whines about it. That's terrible. What would he do if he lived here?!"

I nod my head, a knowing smile on my lips.

I was that kid who only had to take out the trash (with an occasional dusting session here and there whenever I was home on a Saturday).

I was that kid who whined and complained about work...any work.

I grew up and realized that life is work and you either embrace it or you live your whole life complaining about it.

I want better for my kids.

Do I expect them to LOVE chores? NO. It wouldn't be "work" if it was easy and fun and their favorite thing to do.

What I expect is for them to learn exactly what it takes to run a household. I want them to be contributing members of the household. I want to raise responsible children who are blessings rather than cursings to their family.

But, how do you do this? So many families I talk with are at a loss. They don't know where to start with getting their children to pitch in. The fit-throwing sessions they get every time they ask for help end up leaving them feeling like it is just easier to do it themselves. They are already exhausted...why add a full-blown argument to the mix?

This is where one little word comes in to save the day...

CONSISTENCY

You cannot just ask for help here and there and expect your children not to balk. However, if there is a consistent chore schedule with a consistent knowledge of what to expect, then you set a standard in your household that minimizes the struggles (notice I said minimizes...not ends...once again, does anyone really like to work?).

So, practically speaking, how do you achieve consistency when it comes to chores and children?

1. Determine the chores that are within your child's domain.
Things like the playroom and their bedroom fit into this category. If you homeschool, their crates and/or desks and/or backpacks also belong here (you probably have these things if they are not homeschooled too). Any extra-curricular paraphernalia also fit within your child's domain. Anything in the house that directly belongs to your child is in this category.

2. Determine the chores you need help with and assign accordingly.
Repeat after me...

I do not have to clean up everyone's messes all by myself.


In my opinion, this is THE #1 way to teach responsibility (something seriously lacking in our world today). Not only is the child responsible for his own domain, but he is also responsible for pitching in to keep clean the areas he occupies throughout the day. He is not an island unto himself. His actions (and inactions) affect others.

Consider all the chores you do on a regular basis. For me, these are things like dusting, sweeping and mopping, cleaning bathrooms, laundry, dishes, yardwork, etc.

Now, think about them in bite-sized pieces. For instance, Tuesday is Floor Day here. I vacuum all carpets. My oldest son (age 11) sweeps & mops the kitchen and dining room and sweeps the storage areas. My oldest daughter (age 8) sweeps & mops the entryway and the downstairs bathroom and sweeps the front porch. My 5 year old daughter sweeps the back porch (cuz it's ok if the back porch isn't um...perfect...lol). The larger chore of sweeping and mopping is divided up in sections between many capable hands lightening my load and making the task go very quickly.

3. Type up a list and post it.
DO NOT get wordy here. Just type the general idea and get it posted in plain sight. Otherwise you will overwhelm the children and frighten them away.

My list is arranged something like this:

MONDAY:
Child's name - chore, chore, chore
Child's name - chore, chore, chore
Child's name - chore

TUESDAY:
Child's name - chore, chore, chore
Child's name - chore, chore, chore
Child's name - chore,

you get the idea...
(to read more about our daily chores, read THIS POST)

4. Plan the Work and Work the Plan.
Figure out a time of day that is good for you as a family to do chores. For us, it is first thing after breakfast. Mama, the visual one...if you remember, needs a clean home to do school in. It's a clean slate for us to start with. After that, I don't really care how messy it gets...just start me out uncluttered, please!

Once you have a time of day set...just do it! It may take several times to get them used to choring, but work right alongside them, teach them how to do their particular chore, set a timer as motivation, encourage and talk and laugh.

And don't be afraid to identify what you are doing as WORK. You can fool a preschooler into thinking cleaning mirrors is fun, but that will never fly with your pre-teen.

Work may not be fun, but it can be rewarding if done well. Encourage your child to take pride in a job well done as unto the Lord. Reward them occasionally for cheerfully going about their work. Praise them for helping out the family. Show them you value them enough to instill the solid and lasting character traits of responsibility, industry, and diligence.

Consistent chores for children foster lasting results. Don't be afraid to step in right where you are. You won't regret it!

For an amazing resource on the subject of work, read:

(It's not just for boys!)

Free Kitchen Planning Forms

I've told you before how much I enjoy a grocery list with pretties. Well, if you'd like to have pretty lists and don't have the time to work them up yourself, Sheri at Nourishing Heart & Home has fun downloadable Fall and Winter Planning forms for FREE on her website!

Get them HERE!



Also, take a moment to check out Finer Things Friday. I linked to my post on SIBLINGS.

Raising Children Who Actually Like Each Other

(photo of Megan & Micah by Lynnette Kraft)

She scoops him up her arms with a smile and kiss. He pulls her hair and she laughs.

They talk through the darkness about how the guy who was given grasshoppers as an ingredient on Iron Chef really got a bum deal and shouldn't have been kicked off. Then they come up with their own grasshopper-laden recipes just in case they're ever in the same position.

He dresses his little brother up in his old Cub Scout gear and talks excitedly about how when little brother is old enough, big brother will be his den leader. Eight years age difference is no difference at all.

If I threw the word

SIBLING

out there, what words would pop in your head?

RIVALRY? IRRITATING? AGGRAVATING? ANNOYING?

Does that word bring anything pleasant to mind for 99.9% of families?

Not really.

Yet, what I just described to you comes directly from the pages of my children's lives. I didn't make those scenarios up, and if you ask, I could come up with a hundred more just like that.

My kids like each other.

And to a lot of people out there,

THAT IS WEIRD.

When I was in school, there was a family who was thought of as "weird." They were a sibling group of 4 who would hold hands, talk excitedly to each other in classes, and hug as they passed in the hallway. They always said they loved each other and they never cut each other down. They were just so weird.

Then I grew up and had a family of my own and I found myself looking back on that sibling group and hoping my children would be that "weird" someday.

And they are.

Was it accidental? Not really.

Was there something I did that magically turned them into friends overnight? Not really.

My siblings are all much older than me, so I never really saw what a true sibling relationship looked like from the inside. But what always intrigued me most about large families (before I actually had one) was the relationships between the siblings. Some sibs seemed to have nothing but fondness for each other while other families lived each day as a battle.

Why the difference?

Well, you could argue homeschooled versus non-homeschooled and have a fairly sound case, but we all know homeschooled families who's children fight to the death every single day just as we all know non-homeschooled families who truly enjoy each other's company.

But as a whole, homeschooled siblings have better relationships within the family unit than non-homeschooled siblings, so there must be something at work that can be applied across the board.

The thread I see holding together these sibling relationships (homeschooled and non-homeschooled alike) is that the primary socialization of the child takes place within the family unit. If nothing else, this type of socialization is easier for the homeschooled family to achieve. When the siblings are in each other's company 24/7, it naturally lends itself to a fostering of that relationship. Non-homeschooled families must work a bit harder to keep the family unit in tact, but it is not impossible.

However, proximity doesn't cause closeness between siblings all by itself. There is much more at work that is often a direct effect of the choices we as parents make for the family.

Here are a few that come to mind:
Does the family try to limit activities that separate the family unit?

Of those activities that do separate the family unit, does the rest of the family support the activity as a whole group? Meaning do they attend recitals or competitions as a family and cheer on the participating member?

Is the household a joyful place to be? A haven from the world?

Do the parents encourage and protect the sibling relationship or do they allow behaviors that tear apart siblings...tattling, selfishness, bragging, etc?

Do the parents themselves find joy in being around their children? Children very quickly pick up on the parent's attitudes toward the children and follow suit. If there is a child in the family who irritates one of the parents and that parent isn't discreet about their mutterings concerning said child, the other siblings will pick up on this attitude and begin to mimic the parent's attitude.

Does the family have a purpose, a vision, as a family unit? (Read Jumping Ship by Michael Pearl for more on this.)

No, my children are not perfect and fights do break out, but there is no doubt they love each other dearly. They truly miss each other when one is not there, and when someone has been gone longer than a few hours, they spend hours "catching up". I love it!

Take a moment today to watch your children interact. What does it look like? If it's not what you would hope for, then what can you do to foster a better relationship? Children who actually like each other truly are a blessing on so many levels...I pray that all of you might experience this kind of joy within your home!

(Looking for more ideas on raising children who actually like each other? Check out Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends by the Mally Family.)

And this is DEFINITELY one of the Finer Things in life...

Logic -- Bridging the Gap

Many children have difficulty getting information from Point A to Point B. There are things inside their little brains that just don't seem to get expressed coherently or appropriately. Earlier this year, I stumbled upon something that has become a light bulb moment in speaking to this issue.


LOGIC
That's right...that subject no one teaches anymore. That subject that creates a huge question mark in most homeschool moms' minds. That subject that is unheard of except in Classical Homeschooling circles.

I was pretty sure one only needed logic if one was planning to be a lawyer, and only then because some Ivy League school told you you needed it. But, since we follow a Classical Homeschooling model (sort of) and many of my catalogs suggested Logic, I decided it was worth looking in to. Never did I expect it to help my child who struggles to express what is in her head. I understand that logic is all about teaching young people to coherently present their knowledge; however, I really thought it was best used for those who are verbally gifted already.

Silly me.

Let me digress for just a moment...
The fact that we school in a predominantly Classical style is due mostly to the fact that that method is one that meshes well with my oldest child's personality. His next youngest sibling...not so much. She sits in on some of the things we do, but her subjects tend to be highly artsy and much less structured. You can school the artsy child in the Classical method, but you will have to tweak. And tweak we do. (At the moment I am considering "tweaking" myself right out of Classical Homeschooling...that's another post! lol)

So, when it came to Logic, I purchased Building Thinking Skills with no expectations for anyone except my oldest child. However, Meg found the book and curiosity made her open it. She ended up bringing it along on a road trip we took and spent hours pouring over the pages. I could hear her working over and over again to explain the shapes, using the example as her model. (Describing shapes is something done early on in Level 2 of the Building Thinking Skills series). She would occasionally get frustrated, but for the most part, she just kept working at it. I realized she was explaining things in a way I had never heard her explain them. She is one of those children who if asked mere seconds after having a new concept introduced to her, "What did I just say?" will look at you blankly and reply, "I don't know." Frustrating, but true. So, to hear her actually speaking what she was seeing out loud and in a coherent manner was incredible!

It was here the light bulb flipped on...

Logic isn't just for the verbally gifted child. Logic is for all children. I would even go a bit further and say that Logic is especially helpful for those children who need practice in getting information from their brains into written or spoken word. They get a chance to practice this in a non-threatening, simplistic manner.

Even if you don't purchase a full-blown logic curriculum, one simple thing you can do for your verbally challenged child is have them work on describing pictures or household items. Show them a picture of something like a flower:



Ask them to give you 3-5 words that would describe the picture. In the beginning, the child who struggles with this kind of thing will possibly balk at having to give you so many words, and once they get started, they are likely to give you some rather interesting descriptions.

When Meg first looked at this she said, "rose." (Nothing like stating the obvious, huh?) When I asked her to be more specific and tell me more about it, she said things like yellow, thorny, pretty, green, and picture. (once again, stating the obvious! lol)

Prompt your child to move past simply stating the obvious. I asked her if the rose looked soft, what general shape is it, how would the leaves feel if you touched them, etc. This is a crucial step. It teaches the child to express themselves in a deeper way. Children with a disconnect from mind to mouth often find themselves expressing themselves in inappropriate ways. Even the obvious is often difficult for them to explain, but if you help them to explore the world beyond the obvious, you give them a treasure trove of language to help them express themselves more fully and with less over-the-top emotion (which often happens simply because they can't get their point across to you). It teaches them to verbalize precisely, which is something we all need practice in!

It has been so interesting to watch Megan work at giving more precision to her thoughts. Yes, she still gets terribly frustrated when she can't fully flesh out her point, but it is getting better as she accumulates more practice at verbalizing in a logical manner. I am so glad I didn't brush Logic off as a waste of time!

The If/Then Chart

Many moons ago, I was introduced to the concept of an If/Then Chart. Many of you have probably seen or heard about the one from Doorposts or the one from Titus 2 Ministries. More obscure, but popular just the same in homeschooling circles, is the Wise Words for Moms by Ginger Plowman.

In case you aren't familiar with If/Then Charts, let me give you a brief explanation...

They are often used for discipline and training of children. IF the child does such-and-such, THEN the child is disciplined in this manner. Ginger Plowman's chart not only gives the what-not-to-do's, but also the what-to-do's. The ones I've listed are Scripture based and give parents a quick-glance tool for instructing children.

Often you are given the ability to write in your own method of discipline, but for someone like me, that is just too much slack in the reins.

Enter my favorite If/Then Chart (and it's free to boot!)

I wish I could find the site I got this from years ago, but even after an extensive search of the internet, I could not turn up the site. If ever you run across it on the net, please let me know so I can give credit where credit is due.  (1/14/10 - Guess what?!  Today, I found the author...or rather, the author found me!  The site no longer exists, but you can find her blogging at Homestead Momma.)





(Click on the pictures to see a bigger view.  To print it, simply right click and select print, or save the picture to your own computer.  A reader also informed me that there is an error in the "wastefulness" line.  The Scripture reference should be Luke 15:13-14)


Here's how the chart works:  Basically, you have a list of behaviors (the "IF" side), a center section with Scripture that speaks to that behavior, and a consequence of said behavior on the far right (the "THEN" side). The punishment fits the crime and I don't have to think too much about how to discipline certain behaviors. Now, that's the kind of efficiency I need!
(A quick note on the "Penalties" section at the bottom of the second page: the amount of time I "isolate" depends on the age of the child. A 3 year old is not going to be isolated as long as an older child for obvious reasons.)

The thing that I like best about If/Then Charts is that you are not randomly scrambling around trying to find an appropriate punishment for undesirable behaviors. You have a handy little chart all made up for you explaining the why and the how for both you and the child to plainly see. Consistency, which more often than not is the name of the game, is easy to be had with the help of an If/Then Chart.

The 12-Week Holiday Planner

About a year ago, I received an email from Marilyn Moll at The Urban Homemaker that caught my attention. It was concerning a 12-Week Holiday Planner from Sheri Graham at Graham Family Ministries. It didn't take long for me to decide I NEEDED this planner!

Not only did it keep me focused for the holiday season in bite-sized pieces, but it was a LIFESAVER concerning the fact that I was due with little Micah right smack dab in the middle of it all!

I printed off all the pages (cuz it's an e-book ;o)), put protective covers on them, and put them in a green 3-ring binder labeled Holiday Planner. It wasn't difficult at all to keep up with and I had everything in one handy locale. Plus it motivated me to stock my freezer and pantry for the holiday and the baby!

In addition to the planner itself, you get a Jesse Tree Devotional from Ann Voscamp and recipes from Ann, Marilyn, and Sheri. (For more on the Jesse Tree Devotional, see THIS POST from last year.)

I cannot say enough good about this Planner! In fact, I can hardly wait until October 1 to pull it back out again!!!

If this sounds like something you could use this coming holiday season, consider purchasing your copy NOW! You can get a $4 discount from now through the month of September by entering in the code augsale at checkout.

Mmmmmmm....I think I can almost smell cinnamon and cedar in the air!

At The Well

I am so very pleased (ok, "ecstatic" might be a better word!!!) to be joining the At The Well team of writers! Please take a moment to visit the site, read through the articles, and sign up for their wonderfully encouraging emails on a variety of topics all pertaining to growing into the model of the Titus 2 woman.

(If you care to, you can read my bio HERE.)

Also, each Monday, At The Well hosts a discussion topic that bloggers can join in on:
http://www.titus2atthewell.com/2005/01/gathering-at-well-topic-and-discussion.html

Why not join us At The Well?

When Health Care Thinks Outside the Box

The coop mentioned in the following clip is the ministry we are a part of. It is what happens when health care thinks outside the box.

Worldview Resource ~ Truth Chronicles from Adventures in Odyssey

Worldview is everything.

You either have a Biblical one or you don't. I want my children to have a Biblical worldview, but for someone who has had to claw her way out of a deeply-engrained secular worldview, I'm always on the lookout for good worldview resources to help me teach my children how being a Christian affects every aspect of their lives.

Our family takes a lot of road trips and for years now has thoroughly enjoyed the Jonathan Park CDs. In a recent discussion with some other homeschool moms, I learned of a radio drama from Adventures in Odyssey entitled The Truth Chronicles that parallels The Truth Project, an adult Bible Study on gaining a Biblical perspective.

I decided to purchase a copy and let me just say, "WOW!" Good stuff! (You can actually listen to the first episode by clicking HERE and then clicking on the link on that page that invites you to listen to the episode "Here Am I"!)

These cd's are full of meaty information, but it is presented in a way that even very young children can grasp the concepts. There are a few inferences I've had to explain (I won't give these away because they really are quite clever and worth chewing on a bit), but for the most part, my 11 year old and 8 year old have easily understood the importance of having a Biblical worldview as opposed to a secular/humanist worldview. We've also enjoyed many lively discussions pertaining to the subjects presented in this audio series.

The Truth Chronicles has my hearty approval!

ec6t8i7p3v

FREE ~ Future Christian Homemakers Handbook

This is one of those freebies that makes me jump up and down! This is literally a step-by-step guide to homemaking for you and your daughter/s to work through. Honestly, *I* need this handbook!

Enjoy!
http://www.futurechristianhomemakers.com/FCHLessonsIndex.html

My Birthing Journey

11 years ago, I delivered my first child via cesarean section at 3:02 pm. I had been in labor for 24 hours, but nothing particularly noteworthy until that morning at about 10:30 am. I had already been in the hospital for 5 hours and was going nowhere dilation-wise and beginning to be in serious pain. I was given an ultimatum--dilate by 1pm or begin prepping for a c-section. I was devastated.

In 2000, when I became pregnant with our 2nd child, I began scouring the internet for resources on Vaginal Birth After Cesarean (VBAC) and came across the International Cesarean Awareness Network (ICAN). I was desperate to birth the way women had been birthing for centuries. Finding ICAN was vindication.

Thus began my quest to find a doctor to take me on. Thankfully, the search was short and close to home. A doctor in the town where I delivered my first child was reported to have an awesome VBAC rate. She was more than willing to let me try.

For my first VBAC I did opt to be induced early. I know many would question this, but at the time I was willing to try anything and going from an 8# 15oz boy to a 7# 7oz girl was worth the risk of pitocin. However, dilation stalled out at 2 cm once again. This time no one gave me an ultimatum.

Although I had really wanted to go med-free, I decided to take the epidural. I didn't know what it would do, but I had to try something, anything to keep going. Amazingly, that began dilation. At 5:00 am, I pushed my baby daughter into this world! I was elated!

It was nearly 4 years before I would get the opportunity to VBAC again. In that amount of time, VBAC rules became stringent and rates fell. My doctor and her partner were the only doctors in that hospital willing to continue VBACing.

I asked a lot of my doctor during this birth. I declined the induction which meant she was at the mercy of my labor since the new rules stated she had to stay in the hospital for the entire labor. The new rules also strongly encouraged induction. I had to sign papers stating I was doing something against the grain that could potentially kill me. The anesthesiologist also had to stay on site since the hospital was not large enough to have an anethesiologist there 24 hours a day.

Still desperately wanting to avoid meds, I tried to figure out why I did not dilate until the epidural was in place. I was stumped, but not deterred from trying once again. I had proven I could VBAC, now I wanted to prove I could do it med-free.

My unpreparedness and a sunny-side-up 9# 14oz baby girl kept that from happening. But, I did have yet another VBAC under my belt.

A short 7 months later I was pregnant again. During this pregnancy, I lost my resolve to birth naturally. Still choosing to decline the induction, we watched my due date come and go. The morning after my due date, labor started in with my husband 3 1/2 hours away! Calm, cool, and collected man that he is, he decided to finish up what he was doing before making the trek back across the state to take little ole me to the hospital. Because of this, I learned how to birth med free.

No, it wasn't because he didn't make it on time; although, I did begin to wonder. It was because a friend of mine came to pick me up and take me to her house for a massage while I waited. She had had 2 Bradley births and as she massaged my back and belly through contractions, she gave me a crash course in relaxation techniques. The contractions picked up and I was still under control. However, once in the car on the way to the hospital, I was not so sure I could continue without the meds. Between contractions (now coming every 3 mins), I told my husband how my friend had rubbed my belly with each contraction and how it had kept my pain under control. "Can you do that??" I begged. He affirmed that he could.

And he did! After only 3 hours in the hospital, I VBACed our 4th child med-free into the hands of my husband! Both my husband and my doctor were profoundly instrumental in my accomplishing this. And of course, I am forever indebted to my friend.

My doctor, my husband and myself were all on Cloud 9 following baby's birth. My OB gave us a tour of the placenta at our request and came back the next day to reminisce with us. It was an amazing experience and finally, I felt whole again.

It took me 8 years and 3 VBACs to heal from a 6 inch scar.

It was only a short time later, I discovered I was pregnant again...Baby #5. After my experience with #4, I just assumed I would do it just like that. WRONG. Baby was stubborn about dropping into position. She flipped constantly, but finally landed head down the day before I went into labor. However, as labored started, I felt something was very wrong. My sides hurt tremendously. I could hardly move. And I didn't feel as though I was dilating. I finally decided we needed to go in.

When we got to Labor & Delivery, the nurse checked me and said, "I can't feel the baby." WHAT?! Those of you who know me personally know I don't hide babies. I'm the size of a house...trust me, there's a baby in there. But nonetheless, baby didn't seem to be where she was supposed to be. My doctor confirmed via ultrasound that baby was transverse breech .

Knowing my passion for VBACing, my OB offered two options: 1) C-section or 2)A version in the operating room under a full epidural. We took the second option and prayerfully and tearfully headed to the OR. While my OB leaned against my side, my husband prayed out loud right there in the OR that baby would turn. When we opened our eyes, my doctor said, "Something looks different. Get the sono machine!" Sure enough, there was baby Emily, head down. Doctor quickly broke my water to keep her in place and after some observation, we headed back to my labor suite. My doctor gave me the option of letting the epidural run out, but as I began to feel pain again, I did not think I could take it lying down, so to speak. The epidural and the stress had left me exhausted and numb. I had them keep the epidural in place and I proceeded to sleep through my entire labor. For the first time ever, I pushed without being able to tell I was pushing. But, it was all worth it as I VBACed for the 4th time a precious baby girl.

Seven months later, rather than anticipating another pregnancy, we had to set our minds to mourning the loss of our little Emily.

Amidst our grief, came a positive pregnancy test. We spent the next 9 months rejoicing and grieving simultaneously. And I wondered...my heart was broken...was my body?

I told my doctor I had to FEEL this birth. I was so medicated during Emily's birth that I felt nothing. I knew I needed to feel all the emotions and all the pain it would take to birth this child.

However, this pregnancy began to mirror Emily's. Baby did not want to stay head down. Finally, after going a week past my due date with no decent contractions and no success at keeping baby in the head down position, we opted to do a version and induce the morning of New Year's Eve. The rest of this long, drawn out story can be found HERE. But, suffice it to say, I did feel 17 hours worth of pain, but I did not push my little Micah into his daddy's hands and into this world. On New Year's Day at 12:18 am (yes, he was the first New Year's Baby in town!), my beloved OB reopened my 11 year old scar and pulled my 10# 6oz son from my womb.

But, this time it was different. I did not feel cheated. I did not feel angry. I had birthed 4 babies vaginally. I had had one fully med-free birth and another as far as I could humanly take it.

That day I began a new journey. Baby Micah is the last child of ours my doctor will ever deliver. That thought makes me heart sick (although I secretly hope she'll come visit us in the hospital when and if the Lord blesses us again.) Finding a doctor willing to VBAC in this day and age is a difficult task. We were blessed with an OB who not only took on the challenge, but became my biggest champion. We'll call her if another positive pregnancy test is in our future and she'll help us search out a doctor.

Will I VBAC again? Can I manage to Vaginally Birth After TWO Cesareans (also known as VBA2C)? These are all questions without answers right now. Only time will tell where my birthing journey leads from here.

Fruitful Friends

Recently, I was listening to a sermon I downloaded entitled Feeding On God: Cultivating a Fruitful Life in the Word. In there, Mike Bullmore makes the assertion that we should be asking often of our friends how their life in the Word is. This comment made me consider many of my closest friendships and what makes them unique.

It is the fact that our conversations are often peppered (or should I say salted) with spiritual matters. We discuss the Lord and His Word on a regular basis. We encourage each other according to the Bible.

A dear friend of mine reminded me of this fact just this week when she said she realized how nice it was to have a friend with whom she could discuss spiritual matters.

Does that mean you can only be friends with someone who quotes the Bible every time you talk? Well, no...BUT, shouldn't your closest friends be those who readily share how their spiritual life is? Shouldn't you be able to see fruit in their lives? Of course! These are the people to whom you go to for a word of encouragement or a swift kick in the back side. You know what they say is based on Biblical wisdom and you can trust it.

A fruitful friendship is a true friendship.

So, my friends...how is your life in the Word these days???

Resource: Tyranny of the Urgent

If the previous post struck a chord with you, then let me introduce you to a great little resource. Tyranny of the Urgent is an essay by Charles Hummel written in 1967. It addresses the issue of discerning the important from the urgent. It outlines how to go about restructuring your life in order to reflect what is truly important. It is a great reminder right at your fingertips.

You can follow the above link and purchase a 5 pack of these little booklets (small enough to fit easily into a purse!). Keep one for yourself and pass out the rest to other mamas struggling with too many projects and not enough time.

Is It Possible?

Sorry to keep all of you in suspense, but my appointment on Tuesday went much better than expected! Baby was just barely off, so with a gentle nudge from doctor, the little one slipped into place. However, when she checked me, I had not made any more progress (still a 1). We decided that binding my belly at this point would probably only make me even more uncomfortable than I already am. Dr. felt like baby was staying pretty close to center anyway, so we opted to not bind my belly and let me go on my way.

This was very freeing to me. More so than I realized it would be. The less interventions I have, the more likely I am to be able to cope with the rigors of labor. I was very worried about what Tuesday was going to hold for me and the baby. I really wanted to know that when I started labor, it would be the "real" thing rather than some oddball contractions that started up because of interventions. I felt like I would be better able to tell the difference between real contractions and ones that would fizzle out after a few hours if they started up on their own.

So, here I sit at nearly 5am Christmas morning....wondering.

I tried going to bed a few hours ago, but contractions were waking me up and I just had a general uncomfortableness. So, I came down here to mosey around and see what a little distraction would do.

The contractions have definitely lessened in intensity, but they still continue to be about 20 minutes apart. Thankfully, I slept a lot today (or should I say yesterday), so I'm not really sleep-deprived. My husband has been so good about letting me sleep whenever, wherever lately. I just hope he's getting some good sleep tonight!

We've been praying for a Christmas baby. But, I know that doesn't necessarily mean we'll have one. I ask the Lord for whatever is within His will, but if He would consider a Christmas birthday for this little one that would make us ever so happy. We brought little Emily home from her first round of surgeries on Christmas Eve and she was able to spend her first and last Christmas at home with all of us. She was also born on a holiday (July 4), so it just seems perfect and wonderful to honor her memory with the birth of her little sibling on Christmas Day. Not to mention the fact that this little one represents hope for my husband and I. Baby Jesus was and is HOPE...I could not think of a better way to celebrate the One Who truly embodies our hope than with the birth of another blessing from the Lord.

So, I have my little Contraction Master up, and I'm timing them. I do not know if they will progress into full-fledged labor on this Christmas Day, but it would be a beautiful thing if they would.

I had about decided it just wasn't going to be Christmas Day despite my fervent prayers (and honestly, I could show up here tomorrow with a post entitled...False Alarm...or some such thing!) But, that is okay too. What I am really anxious for right now are the first rousings of my other children...the "wake up, Mommy! wake up Daddy!" in excited whispers. They are probably only a couple of short hours away!

God has given us an amazing gift by sending His son to save the people He created and loves. I am blessed no matter what! Many, many blessings to you this Christmas!

Preparing for Baby

The little snowman calendar says, "There are only 9 days left until Christmas!" Little does he know that every time he counts down yet another day as my children clap with glee, he is counting down to this baby's due date...a due date that I'm just not sure I'm quite ready for!

My last Christmas baby was born in 2000 and was induced early. This baby will not be induced. So, how do you prepare for a baby that may very well make its appearance ON Christmas Day?

My answer up until today was DO NOTHING. However, as time presses on and the contractions pick up, I am realizing that doing nothing really isn't a good answer.

One thing I have been putting off is packing a bag for the hospital. With holiday events and such, there is no telling where we will be when this baby decides to make his/her appearance, so a bag is somewhat imperative. However, bags have always been hard for me to pack since you need so many of the things you put in there on a regular basis. But, tonight I did make a list of the items I needed to put in the bag. A good start for me.

I also finished the baby's blanket. This was a new one for me. I had two colors of chenille that arrived in a box of diaper fabric some time ago. There was not enough to make a robe or something like that so with a little brainstorming by some MOMYS friends, I decided to make a quilt. Now I have NEVER made a quilt. But honestly, it turned out quite well. Tonight I put the binding on and called it finished (now let's hope no one decides to look closely at it! lol) And yes, it is blue... ;o)





We still need to put the legs back on the bassinet. We never put it away from Emily using it. However, when she used it toward the end of her little life, we did not have the legs on it. It has been sitting in the corner of our bedroom since her death.

Another thing we need to contemplate along the same lines is whether to use her swing or not. I am a very sight/sound/smell oriented person. After Emily's death, a friend was over and her son inadvertently turned on the swing. The sound of it going back and forth was more than I could handle. As soon as she left, I tore the swing down and packed it away so that could not happen again. I am not sure I will be able to bear that sound.

I also realized recently that I cannot put good ole Johnson & Johnson baby lotion on this baby. I put some on the other day and realized how deep the memories run with that one smell. We put copious amounts of baby lotion on her during her hospital stays, and when she died, the funeral director kindly ran to the store to buy us a bottle of lotion to put on Emmy before we dressed her. That smell belongs to her. So, I need to find a lotion that does not smell like that.

The car seat needs to be put in the van, but I hate to crunch the kids too early. They are already begging for a larger van...something that probably won't be an option until Spring.

So, those are my last minute projects. My tangible preparations if you will. But, tangible preparations are not all there is to preparing for a new baby.

In addition, there is an intellectual component. This is the part of preparing that involves reading, talking with others, and really researching the kind of birth you want, the kind of parent you hope to be. This is where a Birth Plan comes into play. However, one word of caution...midwives regularly attest to the fact that the mothers with the longest, most impressive birth plans are the ones who end up with the most interventions. Why? The only answer I've been able to glean is that a well-laid out birth plan often causes the mother to be unable to be flexible when a situation arises that is outside the parameters of her birth plan. When I told my OB that my plan was to not have a plan, she said she thought that was an excellent idea. No one truly knows how their birth will play out, and I would venture to guess that rarely does it follow the vision we've spent months hoping for. However, you still can have a wish list. It is good for your husband and your doctor to know what's on your wish list. Just as it is good to expect the unexpected and roll with it the best you can when/if it happens.

As far as what kind of parent you will be...well, I'll leave that up to you. If this is your first, you will more than likely do things much like your mother. If you've had a few little ones, you've probably stylized your parenting to something that better fits you and your family dynamics. I hestitate to tout one parenting style as better than another. The way our family does things works for us...it wouldn't work for someone who's life needs to be more scheduled or who's husband has different expectations than mine. You cannot expect the parenting style of Susie Whatsherbucket down the street to work for you if you do not live the exact same life she does. We all have things we must work around, concessions we must make, and life circumstances that prevent us from picking up the latest trend in parenting and fully adopting it as our own. So many mamas feel like failures because they can't seem to pull Parenting Style X off with 100% accuracy. So, here is where I give you full permission to ignore parenting labels and just be mama.

Another preparation we must all face is the physical side of things. There are all sorts of ways to prepare our bodies physically for the rigors of labor and delivery (birthing balls, red raspberry leaf tea, exercise, belly support), but ultimately those final days tend to be full of a whole lot of couch-sitting. Everything hurts, aches, keeps us up at night. So, the big physical preparation I do is simple relaxation. Relaxation is important no matter what kind of birth you will have. You need to know what relaxes you most. You need to know how to breathe deeply in times of stress. You need to know how to stay calm when things are tenuous. This is just as important during a natural labor as it is during a c-section and on into recovery afterward. I've even been known to use my relaxation techniques when they draw blood! Those early contractions that many of us deal with are a great place to start practicing our relaxation techniques. Mine have really picked up, so when I have one, I start breathing slowly and purposefully relaxing my stomach muscles that seem to tense naturally. I breathe in my nose and out my mouth and sometimes I even moan a bit if the contraction is particularly painful. I'll often close my eyes and find that by the time the contraction is over I am almost asleep I am so relaxed!

Lastly, is the emotional/mental side of birthing. We may not be able to fully prepare for the emotions we will be confronted with during labor and delivery and afterward, but we can take into account certain aspects of our lives that may give us a "heads up" if you will for what we may or may not encounter. What have been your past experiences? Has there been some trauma in your past that may come up?

For us, the obvious one is Emily's death. I know there will be many emotions to deal with from this one life-changing event and all I can do is be ready with verses committed to memory and prayers going with me.

What about the expectations of others or the expectations you have put upon yourself? Are there people in your life that you feel pressure from surrounding the birth of your baby? Maybe they think you should have stopped having children long ago, maybe they think there is only one way to birth and you'll feel like a failure if you do not have the birth they think you ought to have. When it comes to expectations, we have to be aware of what is important and what is not. One expectation I deal with is my stong desire for a VBAC. However, I have to understand that should it come down to my life or baby's life, a C-section may be needed. The important thing in that case is NOT the VBAC. So, take a look at the expectations put upon you. Which ones truly are important and which ones are not?

What about fears or hesitations you might have surrounding birth or raising a baby? The one I struggle with most is feeling as though I don't really know how to parent a baby. Yes, I know this is illogical because I have parented 5 babies and Emily's death had nothing to do with my parenting ability, but the fear is very real. I fear bringing baby home and not being able to trust my instincts. I fear the first time baby gets sick. I even fear losing myself to the fears because fearful is not how I would describe my parenting style, yet what if it becomes me? These are the things I must work through. In many ways, the only way to work through them is to go through them. Your fears may be something like fearing the pain of labor or fearing having a second child and not loving him or her as much as your first. As with my fears, the only real way to deal with them is be aware of them going into things and then deal with them as you go. The one thing you must avoid at all costs is dwelling on your fears. God is not the god of fear. You cannot allow your fears to consume you. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." Proverbs 3:5

Preparing for a new baby carries with it so many things, so many emotions. Much of it is only for us mamas to bear. Daddies carry their own set of preparations that often involve thinking ahead...much further ahead than the intial birth of our little ones. Yes, many of us are blessed with husbands who are fully engaged in our labors and deliveries, but the things they prepare for are more along the lines of cutting the cord and not dropping the baby. For us mamas, there is a much deeper connection with labor and delivery. It is good for us to prepare. It is good for us to consider the things that could affect our births. It is good to deal with as much as we can ahead of time and then acknowledge a point where all the preparations that we can possibly do have been done and now we must leave the rest to our Lord.

So, as that little snowman counts down the days until Christ's birth~~and I can only imagine what Mary must have been feeling those days leading up to her Son's birth!~~I pray that I find a point where I have prepared as much as I can and have found rest in the safety and comfort of my Lord's arms.

Sign Language for the 18 Month Old

A couple of days ago, I decided I'd had enough of listening to the 1 yo scream.  He screams when he wants something, he screams when he doesn't want something, he screams when he has nothing better to do than scream.  In a house of 7 voices, screaming cannot be tolerated (OK, it shouldn't be tolerated in a house of 2 voices, but it is especially overwhelming and irritating in a household where the majority of people residing there are under 5 ft tall and haven't hit puberty yet.)

Several weeks back, I had borrowed a baby sign language book from a friend as I pondered the thought that maybe, just maybe, my non-talking 1 yo could learn to sign. In the midst of this fleeting thought, I had a baby and put the whole thing on the back burner. It only took 2.5 weeks of him screaming for every reason under the sun, to bring me back to that original thought. So, I reviewed the few signs I thought would benefit us the most: please, thank you, drink, eat, more, & pacifier.

It wasn't long before the little guy was screaming, and I was able to try out my new experiment.  I stood in front of him, knowing perfectly well that he wanted a drink, and I signed and said with fervor "drink, please."  Well, it is very hard for anyone, let alone a 1 yo, to learn anything when their eyes are closed and they are screaming their heads off.  I imagine I felt much the way Anne Sullivan felt trying to teach Helen Keller.  I did manage to catch him between breaths and connect with his tear-puddled eyes long enough to quickly sign, "drink, please" again before handing him the sippy cup.  We continued this all day yesterday, and I do believe by the end of the day, he was screaming less.  He wasn't signing, but he was looking at me with what could either be described as interest or amusement--I'm not sure which.

Today went even better.  He paid attention to me as I signed, and I think I heard him actually trying to verbalize something other than the word, "UH."  You see, not only is he screaming for what he wants, he also cannot verbalize ANY word.  He has never said "mama" or "dada" or anything other than "UH."  Today, I am sure I heard him several times put the letter "m" in front of "UH."  A HUGE step for him!

I was not expecting this little adventure to help him speak, but I do wonder if the fact that I am getting down on his level and repeatedly verbalizing as I sign, has actually helped to push him along in his verbal skills.  I have always talked a lot to my children from the time they were little bitty, and they have always spoken quite proficiently by the time they were 15 months.  However, I was so overwhelmed when I brought this little guy home, that I think I spent much of his first year just surviving and not speaking directly to him.  I know I have not read to him nearly as much as I did with the others.  Lest you think I am some heartless mother, I do speak to him, but it is often in passing as I am getting him something or getting someone else something.  It is not the eye to eye conversations that I remember having with my first born (who by the way, spoke in full sentences at the age of 13 mons and has not stopped speaking since!)

So, we shall sally forth into this unknown territory.  He'll either learn to sign or learn to talk (I am not EVEN going to entertain the thought that he might just continue to scream).  No matter the outcome, I have learned a valuable lesson...I MUST NOT forget to speak into my children's eyes.  I MUST NEVER be too busy to look directly at them, get on their level, and say more to them than, "here's your drink" or "let's change your diaper."  I MUST ALWAYS be the kind of mother who loves them with my words.